making plans

The world offers so many opportunities. I’m amazed at how much we can accomplish and do and achieve. The potential dwelling in all of us. I map out my life to ensure all of these things can come to fruition. Though, I wonder if I’m going to be able to actualize all of these plans.

I’m so obsessed with productivity and growth because I know it will help me achieve everything I want to achieve. I used to want to do it for my own personal gain. I was fearful of not making a mark in the world. Afraid of not being able to fully express this creativity pressing on my heart. I didn’t want my life to be a waste. And in many ways, I know those sentiments still linger.

But now, I try to orient all of my goals, ambitions, actions towards God. To make my life pleasing towards him. Which is liberating in many ways, but also deathly challenging and anxiety building in others. Now I know for sure that my actions reverberate for eternity. The meaningfulness that I craved, that I feared may not exist, exists. And how will I respond to that?

Though, underlying these concerns is something I don’t think about enough. Where does this stress and anxiety come from? It’s ultimately not reaching my full potential. Not doing the things I know I can do. That I need to do.

Yet, isn’t that foolish of me to make all these plans for myself only to be disheartened when they don’t come to fruition? Despite my flesh telling me otherwise, I’m not the author of my life. I’m not the one who dictates what I’m supposed to be doing. What is enough. When my time is ready.

I was created. Formed out of the womb. Planned before I was even conceived. My life journey set before me to be a part of his wonderful story. I will accomplish all that I need to do in this world. Because he promised it. I need not fear failure, because he will rescue me.